It was Chirstmas 19090 when John Doe sat at home, with his premature baby sister. John doe was sad. The reason why? Because he didn't have a girlfriend a gift for Christmas. But he desperately wanted to get laid a gift for Christmas, and even prayed to God to get one. I guess that God answered his prayer, but he just said "no."
So John Doe was sad.
But then, John Doe got a letter in the mail.
"Dear John Doe
HELP ME! I am Santa Claus and the reason why I wasn't able to send you a Christmas Gift is because I'm being attacked by zombie robot dinosaur ninjas from outer space in the 4th dimension! If you help me, I'll help YOU get as many christmas gifts as you want.
Love Santa ;)
call me xoxo"
John Doe gasped. Santa Claus was in trouble! John Doe knew that Santa Claus lived in the North Pole, so he went on his sled that let you go to the north pole so that he could go to the north pole. When he arrived at the north pole, it didn't look too different than usual.
After 9000 years of masturbating to pictures of sexually attractive women, John Doe decided that he had to get to the North Pole!
So he went to the North Pole (again) and spent 9000 years travelling to Santa's House. When he arrived at the north pole, it didn't look too different than usual.
However, there WERE evil zombie robot dinosaur ninjas from outer space in the 4th dimension! (Everd Nose Four for short). With the power of magic, John Doe magically destroyed them with semen that he had accumulated from 9000 years of sexual stimulation.
Santa Claus gave John Doe a girlfriend, and they lived happily ever after.
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